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Thoughts of 2001 and 2002April 20th 2001Most arty sites on the net are pretty pictures with no soul, no passion no message for today. I feel an inner rebellion to this happening. My own site is no exception . Perhaps a few flickers here and there.. But we all fall... for the market place...to keep us going.. or take us over.April 25thDignity, Humility. What ever happened to it in Britain?May 1st 2001Good to see people around the world protesting peacefully. It seemed like a great healthy buzz of humanity, but the media seemed to, as usual, be frantically searching for the bizarre.May 2nd 2001We live in such a contrived world... and this web-site just proves it. What are we all trying to say?...Is it a shop window, or just another one of the many deceptions that surround us. Lets be honest, there is probably just another messy, cluttered, computer nerd behind the screen with an aging profile....OK all that, I suppose but somewhere there is, well, a feeling of the voyager into new territory, a freedom to create, express, tell, spread a good word, image here and there. Isn't there some freedom still here?May 5th 2001Saltash Carnival Week. Took 50 snapshots of peoples lives.. with my digital camera. I would not be without it now.. capturing so much for future paintings. Impressed by a painting of flowers by Anthea Libby. What am I looking for I ask myself? I think it is something to do with hungering after understanding and celebrating the real world. Also bought a Dido. CD today. Worth every penny. (Dido is a singer, CD is called No angel)May 26th 2001Another Bank Holiday here in SW England. and . its..wait for it... dull and drizzly..June 22nd 2001Weather lovely for weeks now. Earthquake a couple of weeks ago: strange sensation scaled at 3.5. Rare for this part of the world. Reading the book Birdsong at the moment about the first world war.Bit moochy, restless at the moment..can't get this art thing right..It can be so much like chasing the wind..chasing a sales fix, a sale gives a little confidence... but although its so sensible , practical to sell, sell, sell...it can also be demeaning..debasing. Now and then, I think I need to put my face against the blizzard of normality, the expected thing, the dumbed down society that moulds, muddles our everyday thoughts into a mash of information, and wrestles our individuality away from us as we plunge into the urgency of each day.In expressing the deeper currents that run through my mind, there is a fullness that makes art work, but others may not understand or value the results at all even though it is highly creative. I know quite a few artists who will not compromise themselves to join a band waggon of 'art that sells' but they are often quite unhappy and feel in a way cheated by a society that never wants their art because it doesn't fit their colour schemes or something. So who is right them or us? Us of course! If you have some freedom.. then value it.. Find the quiet corner and be ourselves..even if others do not understand.June 24thI find myself moved by a good friend of my daughters called Trudi Clements. She is a young women in her 20's and has just decided to go out to the Southern Philippines by herself, to help the gangs of street children who live off the pickings from rubbish tips. She wants to help bring them to schooling and support in some way. She has raised a little money through jumble sales etc... and suddenly she has gone .. what a great leap of courage and conviction. ..and a lot of prayers from her friends and family. She wants to do good.So where is the art with such conviction.. are there any..sites... out.... there...... with....... such.......... conviction about the 'reality' of this world?Or, have we all cheapened ourselves with comfort?June 27thInvited to a meeting about art tonight by the city arts officer. His query seemed to be that The Image of art in this city was low. and there was a £3000 hand out for all the artists in the city. what do all you artists think? OK there might be more money from here or there..and was it £15,000 being spent on research to find out what artists wanted?.... We have been telling the city council for years now. We want a major art centre in the centre of the city where artists can meet, where exhibitions can be held, both amateur and professional level, where the general public, tourists can easily find, and where work does not have to be all pleasant or traditional. It was good to find common ground at the meeting. But I think the wheels grind slowly..slowly for artists in the city to have much say.Perhaps we have the wrong set of cards where we seem to be at the bottom of the pack. For our self esteem must be quite low. In fact we are the top of the pack by default. In Holland during the war, wasn't it the artists, musicians, writers and poets that were rounded up for conditioning camps? What were the Nazis afraid of? Is it not that society in general has an uneasy relationship with artists, since it is often the artists that make people think in different ways about the world around them, often expressing injustice as well as beauty. It is often a hard road of sacrifices. But I think, artists can make a difference, perhaps influence as much as any multi million pound advertising campaign to sell shoes even. It is often hit and miss for us, but with new creative ideas we are sometimes able to by pass the mish-mash of barriers that enclose our worlds, if only we have the courage and a bit of luck or influence. I do wonder if the barriers are now getting more difficult to break down... Back to the chocolate box pictures...
December 15th 2001OK, Its after Sept. 11th. I knowOK, I remember where I was: 'at the tip, dumping a load of old furniture' and someone muttered, 'Hell of a mess on TV' .. and like everyone else I went home and etched the TV coverage into my mind.. with horror.I wish I could say it did, or doesn't affect me, but it did, and has. I felt a sudden vulnerability..my life, my death, my family, re-focused, into a new awareness, for the precious moments of each day. Horror stories were, and still are, coming through the media, who soon become paranoid pessimists, sensationalists, to engineer good copy. But I still feel uneasy.Anyone else out there feeling uneasy?But we go on don't we, drag ourselves forward along this mysterious thread called 'our life' with all its ups and downs. I know its old fashioned to say it these days but I do believe that in the end, the main thrust of our lives should revolve around 'love' Is there anything else that really matters?I say this probably because it came home to me some 20 yrs ago, when I was a career mad teacher, every hour of the day striving to reach that 'Citadel,' (as A.J. Cronin wrote ) to reach, grasp my way to the top of a ladder. Well, I didn't, because I had a bit of a breakdown, or panic attack. One evening, while marking a pile of books, I was crippled with chest pains. I thought my number was up... I thought this was a heart attack.. and I felt powerless... and the bit I have been trying to get to, is that..my mind flooded with a tape of the good, loving relationships in my life, friends, parents, family. It was like a counterbalance to the pain I was feeling. When the doctor arrived, he soon diagnosed a stress reaction rather than a heart problem. But it took me months to come round, and it was the thoughts and actions of loving relationships that brought me round. it has really brought home to me the importance of putting real love at the centre of our lives. It isn't always easy is it? Nobody's perfect. Well I'm not. It is as though it is a painting always in progress. This experience also unearthed my 'artistry' which until then seemed to have remained pretty dormant.Jan 1 2002 Happy New YearO.K. Enough of this serious stuff. Another year of life in Britain comes to an end. It was a good year for me. Loads of things didn't go right, but loads did. But I find the good things are often harder to spot at the time. So I can't complain. Well, I can and I do, but I shouldn't.Lord of the Rings.. is a great book. I read it in the 60's. Then again about six years ago. it ranks among the top few books I have read. I did wonder if the film would be a disappointment, but it was not. OK there were a few omissions, extra bits, but I was surprised how good the thread, feeling of the story came through. I did a few paintings years ago of Balrogs, Black Riders etc. I don't know where they are now.Sept 28 02So I have not written in this diary for ages.Went to Ibiza in the summer...the quiet side...Santa Eulalia.. beautiful..more about this another time.I have to admit that for many months, until recently I have been suffering with a 'pain in the butt' or coccyx pain, probably sustained years ago when I used to physically struggle with children who had behaviour problems. It is certainly still present, but a little better now, after months of deep pain. I had an injection that helped a little. I've been right off art and computing. Apparently I probably need to get a 'sit stand dynamic x-ray' according to coccyx.org but none of my local doctors or hospital know anything about this x ray. It's the Internet, that has come to the rescue to help me understand this coccyx pain, rather than the medical professionals....which is all a bit uneasy. Anyone else out there with a pain in the butt! Still, I am doing a little painting, and there's loads of demand for my art classes, all of which can be done standing up.Oh...and Iraq. Who do we believe? Are we into that phrase' the end justifies the means'.. or trust us blindly, we know what we are doing. Well, if, this week, the 'Online Government Tax Return' site is anything to go by, then God help us. |
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